HMV Poor AA

There are some things in life that either don't ever leave us or they take forever to get rid of them. You know, like that old intramural (fill in generic sport) college T shirt your spouse still wears. You hate it, you know you do. Maybe you ignore it when it hits the wash. Or the college loan you have to pay each month, that NEVER seems to be paid down because of interest. Or those last 5 lbs, that you can't ever run off. Maybe its a disease, or broken heart it seems to always be with you. I have something like that now, and no matter what I do, I can't seem to heal it, make it go away, or conquer it...yet.

Some other things in life don't leave us, for the opposite reason. You don't want it to. Love for instance is one of those things. We all need it, want it. To give it, to receive it. If given space, trust, honesty and grace it gets stronger and bigger. It can be the thing which sets you free, blessing you, and you in turn can love others.

It's those things in life, the ones that don't leave us, that seem to become more beautiful and rich over time. It can take forever for you to feel like you have it, but if you look at how far it has come or how much you have nurtured it, you could be surprised at the magnitude of its beauty. Sometimes the things that are always with us, the good things, can turn the hard or crippling things into strengths or cover them completely.

xxxx

Ali

PS. Love Each Other Well.

De-Friend

A couple months ago, before I went on my FB lenten journey, I was at 500 friends. I decided that was way too many and I went through and "de-friended" several names. I went down to almost 420 and felt rather good about my cuts. Recently I logged into my Facebook account and noticed I was at 497 "friends".

Seriously? 497? WAY too many for me again, looks like I need to do some natural selection.

It got me thinking about how many people I do indeed "know". How many have I just "met" that I think I will know. Or how many are just people that I played soccer with, attended college with, or happy hour? Do I really want these people in my life? Or do I really think its necessary to keep up a Facebook "relationship" with?

My answer, is no. If we don't talk, text, IM, blog, tweet or run...you aren't my friend. You and I don't "know" each other. We are not hanging out, networking, caring, laughing, praying or drinking. We are not in "relationship". Therefore, it was very pleasing to open my FB today and see that someone de-friended me. Thank you, number 498th friend who cut me.

I salute you.

Your Friend,

A

AAPT Looking...

Over the last few months I have really been contemplating moving out. I mean, I SHOULD move out. I live with my mom. (Thanks mom!) I am 33. Not only should I WANT to move out, I am sure mom wants a life of her own. There are major plus sides to living at home, it is really great. I think people should stay with their parents as long as possible if life at all allows it.

With that said, I have decided its time, and I went Apt looking today.

Things you need when you look for an apt. are as follows:

1) A friend- preferably one with A good sense of humor. And A set of major decent navigation skills.

2) Coffee

3) Phone

4) Some concept of where in the cuss you actually want to live

1) A friend. The friend part is VERY important. Friends help you determine if its a good location, they remember good questions to ask the manager should you forget, and if they are good at it, they entertain you.

2) Looking for apts can be tedious. Calling people, making appointments, asking the right questions...blah blah blah. You need coffee to keep you awake and alert. Plus, it just smells REALLY good.

3) Having a phone that can access the internet is vital. This way you can use awesome apps. Such as, Padmapper. Plus, you have to call the managers.

4)This one is tricky, I mean. I may THINK I know where I want to live, but then get there, and decide there is no way I want to live here, ever. The End. I die.

So today I called a guy about a basement apt I saw listed. Conversation on the phone:

Me: "hi I am calling regarding the apt for rent. Do you have time today to show it?"

LL: "yes, I can show it to you now. When do you want to move?"

Me: "in May, but no rush. Is there a deposit?"

LL: "yes there is, its $900."

Me: "$900? But the rent is only $675....

LL: "well, what do you think it should be?"

Me: "Well, most places are not requiring deposit or its $300-500."

LL: "Do you have a pet?"

Me: "no. but I want to get a small dog in the future"

LL: " Well, $300 for the pet deposit and $600 for the rent deposit."
Me: "um, thats still $900."

Apparently, he saw my math scores and thought he would see if I wasn't improved.

LL= idiot

Needless to say I did NOT rent that place.

A) It was in the basement. With a slope gravel entrance to the front door.

B) The bedroom was AQUA! no joke

C) The living room was yellow. (OMG I just threw up in my mouth.)

D) It smelled like basement. Literally.

Not sure where this adventure is going to take me.

But for now, cheers to major changes, In Ten!

xxx

AL

What took you the CUSS so long?

First off I need to apologize, mostly to myself and my sister that I have not posted a blog in FOREVER. Its been 8 weeks and to me that is a very long time. I wish I could say that I have all these hilarious things to write about but really most of them are ironic.

For instance this last weekend, I went to the most beautiful place on earth. (An absolute statement). You know it everybody, because you have read about it and envisioned it. OR, you went to the movies and saw it. Yes, I am talking about Forks, WA. As in the movie Twilight. I won't go into beautiful detail, but lets just say, its so far away from Seattle that the phone company which I subscribe to, says I was in Canada. THATS how far away it is. But it truly is majestic in all senses of the word. Beautiful lakes, the ocean, old growth forest with gigantic trees, hot springs and hiking trails

Anyway-I went on a early morning, like 10:45am, run and wanted to do some trails. My mom, was afraid I would see deer, or worse, bears! Me, not giving a cuss about bears, thinks its a great idea to head up a certain trail alone. I wanted something in an hour or so, and I chose to run up to the falls, across the river, and down another trail called "lovers lane". My first 3 miles up to the falls were so fun and beautiful. Wide trails, no rocks, lots fallen old growth trees to jump over etc. When I reached the top it was magnificent. So beautiful and refreshing with the mist from the falls sprinkling down everywhere. I crossed the river, and headed towards lovers lane.

Now, this trail started out wide, easy to navigate, clear path. Then a few feet in, it got confusing, which way do I go? There were 3 trails! I went with my gut and decided to follow the one that looked like it went along the river. So far, choose your own adventure is going OK! Yeah! Then as I keep going, I see the trail becoming much more narrow, and now it has rocks. Like, sharp slatey kind of rocks that make it impossible to run on, so I have to slow down. I keep going, more rocks. More narrow trail, wait a second, it diverges again! Which to choose, again I go with common sense. It works! Thank the Lord or I would be up cuss creek. I end up going farther along, and it dawns on me! I know exactly why this piece of cuss trail is called "Lovers Lane"! Its all rocky, hard to find your footing, muddy, and diverges all the time and you have "figure out" which way to go!! Much like "some" peoples love lives. ;)

I still choose love.

xxxxx

AA

Friends rock

Recently I posted about going to hospital for a surgery. What I didn't talk about was how great friends are when you go through something like that.

I have a long, long time friend who is SO busy. She was so sweet to drive me to hospital on the morning of my surgery and this lovely lady has 4 kids under the age of 4. Are you kidding me? I am so proud of her. She also prayed for me in the car before I went in, which was so nice as I was a "tiny" bit anxious about the experience. So she dropped me off and without missing a beat, my friend DJ showed up to distract me and make me laugh while I waited for pre-op and then waited longer with me before I rolled under the knife.

It is funny how people come into your life at just the right time. DJ had offered to come to the hospital with me and I thought, "oh no thats so boring you would hate it!". But instead I said, "sure!". Why? I don't know , but I am so thankful I did. I needed a DJ there. Now DJ and I have known each other on paper since kindergarten or 3rd grade we aren't sure which it is. Mostly because neither of us can remember that far back, actually thats not true, we both remember. We just do not remember each other. We did not have our first class officially together until 3rd grade. A lot happened that year in 3rd grade, BTW. We read "Where the Red Fern Grows", learned about Jewish holidays, DJ stuck his finger in a pencil sharpener and bled everywhere and then fainted (wuss) and my mom made me cut my hair, (still traumatized by that FYI)- but that is another post.

But the coolest thing about having a friend like DJ, is, he gets it. He spent the good part of his 20's making a lot of decisions that created a difficult life. So, suffering is something he knows a thing or two about. He has since changed his life and made better decisions, and so when I talk to him, I trust him. When you have someone in your life that you can absolutely be vulnerable with and honest with amazing things can happen to you. DJ is a person that you know will be there if you are so happy, or if you had the worst news, but he is also someone that can just, be. I also trust him because he pursues himself. He is constantly asking why, how or how to. That is so cool because you actually see him change. Right when I thought people don't change at all, I was wrong. Which is good! People like this are WAY contagious and they will indeed influence change in your own life too.

Friends are blessings...be one too.

GTJ Sometimes life is SLOW

Yesterday was my first experience at hospital. It was all very routine, and kind of what I would expect.

But the best part was AFTER the surgery, on the recovery medicine. Yeah, you know what I am talking about don't you?

After I get discharged, mom and I go to the drug store to fulfill my PX. I am high as a kite at this point because of just waking up from my "procedure" as nurse Lynsey calls it. At the drug store I can barely walk and my mom has to hold me up to turn in my Px's. We turn around and all of the sudden there is a mad rush of geriatric shoppers edging to get to the one section of eye drops right by mom and I, and we can't move. In my happy state, I laugh out loud and say "geriatric traffic jam!" and just about wet my pants laughing so hard. I think this is hilarious!

My mother, completely mortified, starts telling people, "so sorry about my daughter, she is on drugs".

Like these people can,

A) Hear and

B) care. I am stating the truth! Geeze. This, in turn, makes me laugh even harder because she is so aware of me and peoples reactions and I am so numb I don't care about their reactions. I laugh so hard, I have to sit down in a chair, but I can't really sit b/c of my surgery I have to kind of lay sideways.

Now I am in bed and still on pain killers and still laughing. I really like this state of being.

Worst. Date. EVER.

So, earlier this week I went on a date with a guy I had met the week before when I was meeting with a girlfriend of mine.

This guy was a nice guy, talked for a couple hours at the bar, and then he asked for my number. a few days went by he texted me, and we ended up making plans for the following week.

I immediately knew the date was downhill when I picked him up, he smelled like alcohol but denied it when I asked him if he had a few earlier. We go to the restaurant and the conversation was like pulling teeth. You know what I am talking about, we have all been there. You can't decide if the person is REALLY, really boring, if they aren't into you or both. So I spend a good 80% of my energy trying to get through the dinner portion. The weird thing is, I think he is actually enjoying himself. After dinner we go to the same bar we had met at since we knew the bartender, and I am racking my brain on how to politely exit this horrifying experience.

I fail and I am STILL on the worst date of my life. Now, at the bar, this guy downs 5 drinks I have two. Over a 3 hour period. Oh and at dinner he has two beers in 45 minutes. So you can kind of see where this is going. He gets blasted. Basically. Nightmare. I say I have to leave, and tries to kiss me, no joke. I laugh because I am thinking there is NO way I would EVER kiss this guy. And then he gives me the whole, "I am going to call you". "Please don't", I mutter under my breath. Within 15 minutes this guy has called me three times, and proceeds to text over the night. I of course, ignored his calls/texts. The next day I get a passive aggressive text of, "whatever". That was, so far in my life, the worst date. Ever. Why would I want to do that again?

This year I committed to to run two half marathons and one marathon. I want to commit to more however, I am not sure if I will lose my motivation if I do. So, I decided that was a good number to start with.

It will be my first, so a lot of anticipation and expectation are going into that race. In my new effort to achieve this new goal, I have decided to greatly cut back my intake of beer. Or, alcohol in general. A couple reasons,

1) it makes me really tired.

2) It makes me lazy. Or I choose to be lazy, not sure which. Either way, its not working so hott for me. Yes thats hot with t-t. Get over it.

I also recently committed to run in the Northwest Passage Ragnar Relay. This race is kind of ridiculous if you haven't heard of it. You have a team of 12 runners cover in "relay" 184 miles. All day, all night.

When I was 9 we lived in Egypt and I ran on a similar relay team and the event was called the "24 hour marathon". It was held at the Cairo American College literally on the track. So each team would camp out in the middle field in tents and each runner had to run a mile, and pass the baton to the next runner. I remember being SO exhausted eating a ton of candy and junk food imported from the USA special for this event, and bands played all night long. And basically it was a ton of French, Greek, American, British, and Swedish consulate and oil people. I think my team was one of 2 kids teams. I cried at the end when my dad tried to take my picture. I still have that picture on my shelf, along with the medals from that event.

Really hoping I don't cry this year.

If this sounds cool/fun to you here is the link. http://www.ragnarrelay.com/northwestpassage/index.php

can you see?

I went running today, actually for my side job. Its something I love doing but I haven't put the actual time and money into it to make it what it should be. Knowing this, I made a conscious decision for the year Ten, to focus attention in my spare time to this business. Right now, its shoe money. Which, ya gotta love.

I had the coolest couple book a tour. They requested their run be an hour or a 5 mile run. No problem! See some water, see some Space Needle, see some more water and thats a wrap. But, when I met them they requested a couple more sights, making my planned 5 miler an actual 10 miler. I had these people running all around this city and it was one of the best times I have had in a long while.

Seeing Seattle through their eyes was brilliant perspective and I often forget where I live. I found myself wanting to explore more of Seattle and create new memories in this city.

The other day I went to get my eyes checked and to buy new glasses. I went to shop/optometrist that a friend recommended I try out. Now this particular shop is run by a greek guy named Mario. Hmm....sounds Italian to me, but who am I to judge. As I am waiting for my eyes to uncomfortably dilate I am walking around the shop looking at glasses, trying them on etc. Its almost the WORST time to do just that because you can't actually see anything. Your eyes are dilated. Anyway, its getting really warm in the shop and I take off my jacket. Mario says to me, "its hot because I am Greek". "excuse me?" , "yes, you are hot because I am Greek!". Um, at this point I am pretty sure I am hot, because its warm and I am wearing a down jacket. "No, I think I am warm from the temperature". "Yes, because I am Hot, like Greek". I have NO idea what Mario is trying to convey to me right now other than blatant narcissism. So I laugh in a "omg, you have to joking because no one is ever this serious", kind of way. And I put my jacket back on. Because, this guy, is creepy.

Insomnia

Tonight is one of those nights where you were asleep for a good two hours of heaven. I was awoken suddenly and found myself five hours later unable to sleep.

I learned about loans, thanks TC. I learned that Canadians like their U's. I learned about cell phones and melatonin, apparently you chew it. Weird.

Now, I am tired inside.

you know you are single

When you shave your legs because you realize you are going to the Dr.

When you fall asleep with your computer, a lot.

Chocolate is an acceptable dinner. And it is actually satisfying, you would do it again. Maybe tomorrow.

F- I- V

Last night was sibling family dinner at my brother and his girlfriend's place minus one sibling, our sister and her BF. They both love to cook and love each other so being there is really warm and always tastes awesome. Part of being in their place is experiencing their 2 cats. Now, for the record, I like cats I mean I don't have a cat, I am allergic, but they are fine. Cats clean themselves, make almost no noise and basically ignore you. They are almost, the perfect pet. Now, they have one cat who shall remain nameless because this cat, is a bitch. She is the scariest devil of a cat you can imagine. And if you come within 1 and half feet of her, she hisses and strikes with lightening speed at you unless, you are a guy. I call her, "the bitch" . Last night, she scratched 3 of the four guests at dinner. I am the lucky odd man out because I learned NOT to come near her as she has evil eyes. Accidentally last night my brother's GF got too close to "the bitch" and got majorly attacked with scratches. So hard, that we put vodka on it, mostly because vodka is awesome. Vodka can kill germs like FIV, which is what we were saying she has. Last night was, "don't get in "the bitch's" way, she has the FIV". Now, the FIV is an actual virus. Its called Feline Immune deficiency Virus. Sound familiar? HIV is the human equivalent. So, protect yourself from the FIV and don't mess with "the bitch".

On that note, I went running last night, friend. We ran all along a marina here in town and then through the park parking lot. It was very dark and rained off and on. In the middle of our run came this gargantuan flight of stairs. I mean set after set. And the whole thing is super dark. I thought going up these stairs would give me a heart attack and I would die. I had to stop like 4 times to catch my breath and the whole time I kept thinking, "I am going to be so sore tomorrow, this is awesome!" I LOVE feeling sore from working out, it makes me think I actually worked for it. So this morning I woke up and I felt amazing, and sadly not sore at all. Disappointment ensued. Not sure where in the stairs I didn't push myself to the point of payoff, but obviously I did. Sometimes life is like that. You think to yourself, "I am working so hard this will totally pay off" or "work out" or "be the best". And then, you get the results, or it happens, and its NOT paid off or you didn't get the results you want. Its all a re-evaluation. Those are times where I have to be redirected and I am obviously being forced to be redirected. But, that is a good thing.

You can kill the FIV with vodka, but only you can make "it" payoff.

don't stop, believing

I woke up this morning greatly disappointed because I had dreamt that I was in love and "he" gave me HUGE diamond earrings. They were the kind that even if you hair is down, it catches the light and they sparkle. Man I love diamonds. I even checked the mirror just see if it was by chance true. Of course it wasn't, I hate when that happens. You have a really great dream and you so believe it, when you wake up you are positive what happened in your dream was reality. That sucks. It also can work the other way if you have a not so good dream. Then waking up is like being reborn another chance, a big THANK GOD!

The other night I went out with a girlfriend I don't get to see that often. She is the kind of friend that you always have a good time with, usually because she is highly entertaining. If she isn't on her game that night, she usually finds you entertaining. Needless to say you always feel good about hanging out with her. When we go out, it is always a good time and usually involves beer, boys, and a little flirty flirt. Recently a night did end as such, and I was accruing yet another story to tell my other friend, AA as we went jogging.

This evening I got to go jogging with AA. AA is also someone I enjoy hanging out with and talking to as he is intelligent and doesn't see the world as rainbows and puppies. AA and I braved the badly wet conditions as we jogged around a local park even though I had to call him a pussy to get him to run. I tend to tell my make out (MO) stories to AA because he listens intently and asks all the right questions. Please note: it is important to tell your makeout stories to someone who is
1) going to get the best kick out of them
2) doesn't judge you. (You probably judge yourself enough for all parties involved)

AA always indulges in hearing my escapades because he is,

A) a guy and
B) married.
I think it makes him feel good about being married and he doesn't have to deal with all this BS that goes along with being single. I can't blame him, it can suck. I am glad my singleness is doing something good for someone.

The elephant was back today, at 8am crashing and banging going on in the kitchen. I had that whole, conversation in my head where you think, "I should just get up". To, "if I lay here maybe it will go away." It didn't, I got up and got a call from a longtime friend 1st time caller, no joke. I think its the first time she has called me. At least for this decade it is. Anyway, she gave me major scoop on some recent developments with aforementioned ex's wedding and all the drama. I really want to write about it, but shouldn't. So call me if you want a good laugh. But if I am going to make you laugh, you at least should pay me back in diamonds.

elephants and geography

Last night I went to bed fairly early, at 10pm. I currently live at my moms in a small town far from the city and I am constantly reminded by my guy friends that I am highly GU, geographically undesirable.
I am an extremely light sleeper and it just so happens that my room is directly underneath the kitchen and the floor is not insulated well. For some reason when someone (mom) is in the kitchen I can hear every noise. It sounds like she is having a party, or at least preparing for one. Its so loud in my room that even if I wear earplugs I can still hear everything crystal clear. I was laying there looking at the ceiling thinking, "I swear there are elephants up there".
In this inability to fall asleep, I got thinking about being Catholic. I remembered there was a bulletin on my floor from Mass on Sunday. So I was flipping through it and noticed on the advertiser section an add for "Catholic Match". Catholic match? My immediate thought was, "this is so weird". Why don't you just put "catholic" under any other religion section on any ordinary dating website? So in my curiosity, I went on their website, wondering if Catholic boys are any cuter or interesting than non-catholic boys. To my dismay, this website makes you create a profile. I hate filling out forms anyway, but I just HAVE to see these Catholic boys. So I fill it out, section by section. This takes forever. I mean, like 45 minutes, way too long for my curiosity, however I have already committed that far, I couldn't give up. And the questions are SO Catholic! I mean, it asks you 7 church doctrines you have to say if you agree with or not, it lists Saints you can choose as your "fave" saint, one section is all about if you use relics, icons, saints pictures etc. I am newly Catholic from protestant so I have NO idea what I am supposed to put and not being really committed to the idea of online dating, I put "rosary" mostly because its the only word I recognize. I continue to the end.
And you know what Catholic boys look EXACTLY like regular boys, except their profiles say things like, "Looking for a Catholic woman to share my life with soon! Could you be her?" Um, red light! Run! I mean as much as I want to date a guy with the same faith, that is a little overboard.
I disabled my "profile" which was not insightful about me. And I am officially on sabbatical because my close friends "advise" (insist) that I go off market. That guys is going to be SO disappointed. Kidding. Kind of.

because I love, love

I have this saying, love people well. I figure its fairly to the point, its something I try to remember. Be concious of. So no matter what relationship I engage in with that person, I should try to love them well. I am not a pro yet, but I am trying.

Recently I added love people well, and the rest will follow. When we love people well, we might not get the kind of love we think we deserve in return. We might be the only one loving, love isn't something you give in order to get your fair share back. The beauty is, you do receive something in return and its so valuable, you practiced the act of love. You ARE better. I had a friend tell me that he gets better everyday, and its true. Its something you give, you put it out there, and sit in it. Its not always going to come back. When it does, in any kind of relationship, its love-ly.

I choose to love. Its just easier.

IPhone the new cigarette

The other day I was waiting for a friend to meet me. I was uncharacteristically early to the restaurant and found myself awkwardly sitting there with nothing to do. No book, no magazine, just me. Hating the uncomfortable feeling I was experiencing, I had thoughts like, "what am I supposed to do with my hands? Do I fold them? lay them on the table, or at my sides?" Really, it was weird. I suddenly became extremely aware of myself. Looking for some distraction, I went straight to my phone. I have one of those android phones in which I can Gchat, text, blog, surf the web, Facebook, shop, stalk and distract myself from being me. Whatever I want to do. Immediately I felt a sense of security. No I am not just waiting for a friend, I am BUSY while I wait for a friend.
The whole experience reminded me of back in the day, I would find myself waiting for the bus, coffee, person to meet, I would grab a fag and puff away. That left me with the confidence that surely no one will talk to me or bother me, I am smoking! Go away! This whole memory from the past made me think...the Iphone IS the new cigarette! It is that awkward escape from the reality that you are there. Still, in thought and free hands.

I must admit, I like a good smoke now and then. It makes me happy, the end.

Cause tonight, tonight, tonight...

I feel that blogging almost paralyzes me. I know what I want to say but I automatically feel like I have to go all censored Russia style on my ass because of who might read it. With that said, and to just live my life, I am going for it.

Sometimes in life, it seems you feel completely confident headed in a scripted position that you have plotted out. Then, you are suddenly faced with the fact that it is not scripted and changes constantly and you can either change with it and redirect, or stand like an idiot in sand while the tide is going out to sea.

I am a big fan of being honest. Not honest like, "no I did not eat the last candy bar" but honest like, "wow I am searching for something that I can't find yet" kind of honesty. It seems that being honest with yourself is the hardest thing to do as a grown up. But it also one of the most freeing beautiful things as well.

So go ahead, make out. Feel dirty. Its kind of nice.

Whats with the blog name?

So a few years ago, I went out dancing with some friends and I ran into a guy I hadn't seen in years. While dancing I asked him what he was doing for a living, he said, "American family therapy" and I said, "What? You won't see families from other countries or something?" He said, "what?" And I said, "What?" It turns out he was a Marriage and Family Therapist. Hmm.... That guy ended up marrying my roommate and they are very happy, living the dream in California.

So this blog is kind of about those moments, sometimes mis-communicated, sometimes awkward, but they are all real. Mostly they are just funny. Sometimes they are from a page of FML. Like, when my ex of 8 years got married to a gal that was 9 years younger which he dated for 2 months. FML. But mostly its just for me to put it down and walk away. That always feels better, apparently a lot of people do this too, but they put it on mole skin binded pages. I also have a binded notebook that I write my inner thoughts, those I will not share. This, this is that inbetween part. Hopefully you will laugh or relate, but you will all mostly silently judge. And for that, go nuts. Just,keep it silent.