You are having a ....marathon?

So, I have been thinking of this post for weeks now. Mostly because when I really realized what I realized, I wanted to say it immediately if not sooner. But, I got a new position with work, and new responsibilities and those...well those just sucked me in. In a good way.

So, about 5 months ago, I decided I was going to run a marathon. It was time I thought. I have been running consistently, I need a challenge, one day I am going to be 40, "oh crap! I found another gray hair!" kind of moments, etc. So after about 3 beers, I signed up. How does one go from thinking about it to signing up? Well, in my case...it was beer. I mean, lets be real people. Who in their right mind signs up for a 26.2 mile race, for the "challenge"? So, it was a Wednesday night, and while drinking said beers, I was feeling really gutsy and confident and all, "I can TOTALLY run a marathon! Where is that website to sign up?". I PAID to sign up. That's what's hilarious. I paid money to run 26.2 miles. Crazy realization #1.

One thing I wasn't prepared for in my marathon training is its ALL consuming. I swear its just like having an infant. What? Why would I say that? Listen, you can't do ANYTHING without thinking of your training. If you eat too early will you have energy for your run? If you sleep late you won't practice at running as the same time on race day. You can't stay up too late because you have to run in the AM. You can't have beer or vino because in an hour you run. ETc. you get it. Its like having a baby, I swear. And because of that I have realized another thing. Having a baby is all consuming=crazy realization #2.

There is another self realization I had during these last months. I have no self discipline, no determination, no competition. At all. None. I totally screwed up my training. Like, totally. I never would do my scheduled runs during the week. I slept in all the time, I ate all the wrong foods, I never did tempo runs etc. The only thing I did, was my long runs. I loved them. They were really hard, but I love them. They are 2-3 hours of just pure alone time. I have been training alone, which is probably why I have no self discipline because I have no accountability. But the long runs have been amazing.

The GOOD thing is, I did realize these things in myself. I was prepared mentally for the physical mirror, but instead I gained something so much more valuable and insightful. Something that carries to every aspect of my life and relationships. If I finish my marathon in my time estimation that will be a miracle and feel amazing. It will be nothing compared to what I feel I gained in my training.

See you out there. Maybe, I might be sleeping instead.

xxxxx

als

I have been sick all week. The kind of sick where you are so weak, reading hurts and exhausts you. I think I watched 12 movies over the course of the week. I missed 3 days of work, about 150 emails, of which I intermittently responded to, 2 parties, 3 dinner invitations and about 6 runs. Oh and a collapse of an authoritarian regime. All this exhaustion and bed time left me with lots of time to think and reflect on my life, where I am going and what do I want.

One thing I realized, I am much more like Bridget Jones than I care to admit. How? Well aside from being a single woman in her 30's, daughter from broken home, I have wonderful friends. Each night when I was sick they visited me, keeping me alive. One by one, making sure I was connected to them. Bringing me soup, conversation, laughter and company. I know that if I was stuck in a Thai prison, my friends would call Mark Darcy.

I also realized that there were some things in my life where "it's not good enough for me". It is okay, no, necessary to pursue the "whole" aspect of your life. And those things I take an active role in deciding and pursuing.

Love is such an active state. It can be felt, sure. But it grows and is cemented with actions.

The other thing I learned is there is no delivery for Pho near where I live. Are you kidding me? This is a travesty.

Thank you my friends and family for loving me well.

Much love,

A